There’s nothing like a high-octane evening consisting of overflowing bowls of pretzels, bottles of cold hipster brew, and your closest friends and family gathered around the ol’ kitchen table for a night of games! Unless you’re an introvert and then there’s nothing like a sexy, seductive night of your best oversized camo sweats, fresh cans of Pepsi One and your sultry significant other ready to throw down on some competitive gaming. Board games are the perfect solution for any, “what do you want to do,” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” nights. Here’s the lowdown on what games you MUST try and what games you should consider using as future firewood.
The Best:
Apples to Apples
This game is for 4-10 players and is perfect for anyone. Each player gets a few cards with a noun on them. The judge of each round will place a card in the middle, facing up. The card will be another noun, like the famous singer: Cher. Everyone will choose of their own cards that they feel best describes Cher and place it facedown on the pile. The judge then chooses their favorite! The strategy? Read your judge. Does he/she like dirty jokes? Sarcastic humor? True to life comparisons? Either way, you will howl with laughter at this game, but only if you believe in life after love.
Scattegories
This awesome retro game is perfect for the quick thinker. On a time limit, you must pick a letter of the alphabet and then on the enclosed Scattegories notepad, list random things requested starting with the assigned letter. This game rocks if you’re a creative genius. The time pressure can cause brain malfunctions, however, as we have it on good authority that one player recently wrote down “Russian pimps,” when assigned the letter R and the topic: Things You Find In Hotel Rooms.
Monopoly
Who doesn’t love a good game of Monopoly? If you don’t, it’s probably because you either suck at it or don’t enjoy those awesome 3 hour long games that end in you plotting your sister’s death. You still can’t understand how even though you owned hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, she still nickel and dimed you to the end with her Baltic/Mediterranean strategy. This game teaches youngsters how to spend their money wisely and develop critical/strategic thinking. It also teaches adults how to make lame jokes about conjugal visits whenever someone has to go to jail.
Yahtzee
This game is our only one to get on the best AND worst list. The greatest thing about Yahtzee is that you get to play an ol’ timey game of the risk and reward in each roll of the dice. The worst thing about Yahtzee is that overzealous shakers of the dice in the plastic container can cause anger issues and neighbors to call the cops on the noise level. But really, you can’t exactly shake the dice quietly so just take it on home and shake it like you mean YAHTZEE.
Sorry
This game is so cruel and cool at the same time. Players pick colors and turn cards to see if they are allowed to leave their home plate. Once they leave, they can kick others off the board and it’s all a giant race to get your pieces to home base. The best part is you get you say, “SORRY” in the most annoying voice fathomable while you send someone back to start. Things can turn ugly when you’re in the home stretch and somehow someone pulls the Sorry card and sends you home. Luckily, the board doesn’t hurt too badly when it’s smashed over your head.
RISK
This is the ultimate throw-down, don’t EFF with me game, otherwise known as a game of strategy. Players get armies, deal cards for countries and battle it out through the roll of the dice. Feeling crazy? Attack Africa with your two dudes and take it, one crazy risk at a time. This is the kind of game you stay up all night to play and maybe even call in sick to work to finish.
The WORST games:
Battle of the Sexes
Here’s a challenge: go to any thrift store and you’ll find this game there, guaranteed. It’s not because no one wanted it in the divorce, it’s because the game is rigged. Of course, it’s dudes vs. dames and the questions are not cool. For example, a man’s question might be: What is the spray women use to hold their hair in place? (Hairspray, obviously). Here’s an example of a woman’s question: What color was Babe Ruth’s underwear the night he craved fried chicken, two months before his death? See the difference? Of course, this line of questioning is obviously skewed and causes un-hilarious bouts of the men playing to comment: “Well, heck, darlin’! Men just be smarter than women folk. The truth is, old Ruth don’t even wear no jockeys.”
The Worst-Case Scenario Game
This is another game you’re guaranteed to find in any thrift store in America. This trivia game is highly likely to cause your future death if God forbid you are ever in a life/death situation and recall something you learned from this game. What seems like common sense: “What do you do if a swarm of bees is chasing you?” (Jump in the nearest body of water, right?) turns into answers like: A. Befriend the bees. B. Sing: “I Will Survive” C. Instagram the swarm and use at least 3 filters. We swear, the questions really are that stupid.
The (New) Operation
Ah, Operation! The good old PTSD-causing game that gave you a nice, healthy jolt whenever you used the tiny, magnetic wand to pick up the strategically placed bones, wrenches, etc. on the plastic playboard. You and your friends would be deathly quiet, focusing on not touching the sides of each cavern with more concentration than you’ll give your SATs, future children, or driving test. Yes, the old version of Operation rocked. The new version? Here’s how we’d describe the spa-like experience. “Even if you’re dead drunk, have two mutilated hands and your cat is covering your face, you’ll have no problem picking up each item with ease. Accidently touch the side? It’s ok. Operation wants you to have a high level of self esteem, so in addition to the blue ribbon we give you for trying, we lightly buzz the game while playing James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful.”
Game Of Thrones
This is what you need to play this game. 1. Your mom’s basement. 2. At least a month of studying the user’s guide which has practically it’s own dictionary. 3. The receipt from Target to get your $50 back after you realize nothing makes sense whatsoever and you find yourself asking if you can get the last 2 months of your life back from attempting to understand the directions.
Got a game for us to review? Send it over to editor@haveheartmagazine.com
