DISCLAIMER: If you’re a party girl, this post might be way too much for you.

Listen, being single isn’t always cosmos and tight dresses at the club, is it? It’s more like doing dishes late Friday night, scrolling through Netflix for waaaay too long and deciding what to do with yourself for the weekend. Everyone knows that Friday night is all about sweat pants, and hey- we respect that! There’s nothing wrong with making a huge plate of nachos, looking through your online dating profile matches and texting your sister. But this Friday, it’s time to spice things up.

When you get home from work, it’s time to relax! Start by taking a hot shower. You know those Bath and Body Works gift sets you’ve been saving, along with those “good candles” you never burn? Use that shit, sister! Shave your legs, sing some Phantom of the Opera underneath the steaming water and exfoliate! When you are finished, adorn your cutest house-loungewear. If you don’t have any, you may take a break from reading this and shop for some (while procrastinating at work, you sly thing!).

*Why yes, I am all gussied up to crochet before bed. And yes, that is the first thing I’ve ever successfully crocheted wrapped around my head. 

Now that you’re all dolled up with no place to go, head to a hot spot we call the couch. Put on your favorite movie, tv show, or documentary and relax. That’s it! That’s all you’ve got to do Friday night. You may not:

Wash the dishes

Take the trash out

Clean the kitty litter

Feel guilty for staying in

Saturday:

Well good morning, sunshine! Saturday is made for getting stuff done, and today you are going to have one of those amazing days. Start by making yourself some coffee or tea, because it’s going to be a long, fun day. You can choose one of these packages:

Cultured Cutie:

• Farmer’s Market- Grab some herbs, a potted marigold and some fresh honey.
• Lunch at a bistro-Panini’s on homemade bread!
• Foreign film (at home or theatre)
• Mani/pedi-If you can’t afford the whole enchilada, just get a buff and polish.
• Walk around the art museum-Put on a trendy scarf first, if you have class.
• Wine/cheese tasting-Do we need to say more?

Thrifty Chick

• Flea market- for that ultimate thing you just have to have no matter what.
• Home Depot/Michael’s- Spray paint? Check. Yarn? Check. All the things?  Yes.
• Lunch at your favorite mom and pop place. Fries with ranch, baby!
• Thrift store- Those VHS tapes ain’t gonna just sit on the shelf all day, are they?
• Vintage store- Our personal favorite hot spot!
• Grab a celebratory brew at the pub. Or two.

Pretty but Poor

• Library: Rent a video/borrow a book! Carrie said it best: Library books smell so good!
• Stroll through your city’s local botanical gardens and get some ideas for planting.
• Consignment shopping: newer items for super cheap, and no thrift store smells.
• Coffee shop: A $5 fancy drink never broke any budget. Don’t forget a cakepop!
• Buff + Polish: Get your nails done! This is usually about $5-$10 and looks just like you’ve had the complete manicure.

Believe it or not, this botanical garden is FREE!

Saturday night is all about the party! If you’re introverted, this usually means hot salsa instead of medium for your chips, and that’s perfectly fine by us. But if you’re trying to make a splash, host a little shindig! We recommend the uber fun retro board games + snazzy appetizer bash. The challenge? Have your guests bring one of their favorite Pinterest dishes they’ve pinned but never actually made. Print a photo of Ryan Gosling and some funny photos of mustaches. You know where we’re going here: pin the stash on the hottie. You can also play pin the stache on the hipster, or your ex mother-in-law, or our personal favorite, your mean female boss/coworker. Chances are with that last suggestion you’re more like to play shave the stache on the evil boss lady but more on that later.

Getting ready for my paaarrrtyyy (mustache prints not pictured).

Sunday

If you aren’t religious, you’re probably sleeping in, and to you, there’s nothing greater than uninterrupted sleep on a Sunday. Do your thang, girl- and rest. When you finally wake up in the early afternoon we’ll talk.

Ok, you’re up? Well good afternoon to you. Today we’re going to do something super fun that we’re almost positive you’ve never done before. What is it? No, it’s not the battle of the All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet vs. your skinny jeans. It’s not ‘how many days can I NOT put clothes in the dryer before they mold?’

You’re going to visit someone in a nursing home.

My favorite doll to visit. P.S. her grandson is super cute but not available. He loves some kooky blonde girl.

Well, don’t look at us like that! Did you think we were going to let you have a weekend off without doing some good that only involved 15 hours of old Breaking Bad episodes? Sheesh.

Trust us, visit someone in the nursing home. Do you know how utterly happy you can make a stranger? Seriously. When you’re back to work and it’s Wednesday, you’re already thinking how sick of the week you are. But to whomever you’ve visited on Sunday? They are still thinking of you! Drop in and spice up the bingo game. Get to know someone. Bring some flowers or some candy. If you’re wondering, um- what could I possibly get from this that’s more than good Karma and smiles? Well, older people are wise. Not the kind of wisdom that involves the know-how to loading the dishwasher properly, but the kind of wisdom that sticks to your ribs. Gardening secrets? Hell yes. Love advice? You bet! Vintage expertise? Please, that’s just too easy. Plus, there’s a damn good chance you’ll be bombarded with photos of people’s cute and available grandsons. Your lame Plenty of Fish or Ok Cupid matches ain’t got nothin’ on that, woman!

Where do you think this green thumb came from? Granny gardening tips! 

After your Sunday feel-good time, it’s off to take a little road trip. You don’t have to go far, but you do have to have a mix jam c-d, and you’ve got to take a road that doesn’t involve traffic, or lights, or cops that don’t get your need to speed to Sugarland (or Pretty Lights, or yes, Brittany Spears. We prefer to speed to her ever popular jam: Toxic).

Take this moment to free your mind. We know you’ve got a lot on it. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you’ve been or where you’re going. Right now, you’re a gorgeous woman on the open road. There’s something to the freedom of a great song and the windows rolled down. Of course, if it’s snowing where you live you might find comfort in just blasting your car heater because Lord knows it’s cheaper than trying to heat your house, right? We’d hashtag the word holla but that just seems like we’re going to far.

Life is a highway, I wanna drive it all night long. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!

Back to blast. So yes, blast your music or blast your heater, but either way, allow yourself a moment to feel good about who you are, where you are, because that’s all that matters. And chance are, thanks to our great advice you might just have a very cute date for next weekend. -HH