By Tricia Y. Petrinovich
The Vader’s may have had the Force, but keratin is what runs strong in our family, which means I have always had really long fingernails. And believe it or not, they can be as deadly as a lightsaber so: Beware of my dark side, you must! Growing up with long nails means that I have learned how to do everything from playing basketball to typing to house cleaning with long nails. So to pre-answer the next sixty people who will ask me this month: Yes, I can do things with long fingernails and frankly – how do you do anything without them?
I admit, however, I am in a bit of a rut. I wear the same pink glitter on my nails at all times, so in order to bring you the above-promised awesome summer nail trends, I had to look beyond my own dull digits.
Hence my 911 call (yes, I have a “red phone” for manicure-related emergencies) to Amber Christensen, who literally changed in a phone booth to don her Superwoman Spa Cape-slash-Apron and save the hands of hundreds of women from a fate worse than death: chipped polish and hangnails.
Fortunately, this did not require her to go on a date with Lois Lane or spin around the world backwards. She gets dizzy doing that. Amber is a hip nail artist (different than a “hip hop” nail artist as that would require jammin’ to Lil Wayne and doing the “Stanky Legg” while buffing cuticles). That means she knows what’s hot, what’s not, and, best of all, can transfer those trends literally to the tips of your fingers.
Amber’s choices for the best looks of the summer:
Both Nautical and Nice:
Not only will these nails float your boat, but they’ll magical change you from a dinghy to a yacht. And you can set sail on a flirty, funky and fashionable sea that’s polka-dotted and pink.
To Die for Tie Dye:
My mouth literally hung open when I saw these nails, like when the ending was revealed in The Sixth Sense. I was like, “No Way!” But Amber’s manicure was like, “Way!” Can you say “hand-painted nails of amazingness?” And with this version of Tie Dye, there are no requirements to grow out your bangs (not a good look for me) or drive a VW bus. Score!
Flower Power:
I know, again with the 60’s references. I have obviously been watching too many re-runs of The Brady Bunch. Still, this floral design is like a garden on your fingertips that you don’t have to weed, mulch or fertilize. In fact, please do NOT fertilize your hands, or I might have to retract my request for you to bake me cookies.
Georgie of the Jungle:
Muster up a grrrrruesome snarl to go with the leopard claws you’ll be baring. Nothing says “Don’t mess with me” like animal print, other than the words actually departing from your lips. So imagine how deadly you’ll be perceived if you get the nail look and say it?
Tricia’s choice for the best look of the summer:
Okay, so Amber and I aren’t technically fighting, but we may have had a minor disagreement over this last one. Since I’m the writer, it goes in, but I’m appeasing her by separating it from her list and disavowing all knowledge of her endorsement of this look in a very Ethan Hawk-esque way. This is the fifth on my (not her) list of trends:
Bow-be-licious:
Slather some delicious bows on those fingers and feel and look simply awesome. Throw in a little rhinestones and leopard, and you’ve won the trifecta. (Amber feels that the bow trend has run its course. She remembers seeing it in her rearview mirror, and I’m not even sure she waved goodbye. I, as you know, love bows so much that my kids are named Tae Bow, Cross Bow and El Bow. My favorite sport is Bowling. My favorite place setting is a Bowl. And my favorite internal organ is a Bowel. You get my point. Instead of driving past my friend Bows, I pulled over and offered him a ride, and he now goes wherever I go. And even though I am right and Amber is wrong, don’t feel you have to choose sides.*)
Now you are probably saying a few different things to yourself. Like, “I don’t have an Amber! Where can I get one?” And, “Did Tricia really say she likes bowels?” To answer your first question, if you live in Spokane, you can totally get yourself an Amber. She’s at Georgie Girls in the Valley and would love to create any of the looks shown here. She also has dozens more pretty rockin’ looks in her nailfolio. If you are nowhere near Spokane (and are, right now, asking yourself where the heck that is), you can take one of her pictures to a hip nail artist in your own area and demand they plagiarize it. As for your second question, the answer is yes.
Oh, and one more thing:
* Pick me.
