By Theresa Christine
It sucks to have a broken heart. Like, big time.
We’ve all had our fair share, no doubt. Whether it’s the pain of knowing that babe you’ve been crushin’ on doesn’t feel the same way about you, or whether we’re talking about a breakup from a serious significant other, it doesn’t ever get easier. In fact, I’m pretty sure as we get older heartache is one of the things that becomes more difficult to deal with.
After my last breakup I cried every day for two months straight. I was sad all the time, and I actually spent more time coping with the pain of it all than I spent in a healthy relationship with the person.
Luckily I have a wonderful friend base of folks who encouraged me to feel however I was feeling. If I was feeling down they didn’t want me to hide that–so we’d sit there and watch Girls while I cried or lay in the park while I cried or… well, you get it, I was a mess.
When dealing with this breakup, one of my best friends constantly gave me the same advice: “Just give it time.” I hated hearing it, and she hated telling me that was the one way I’d eventually become better, but she was so right. It’s not what you want to hear, but time does heal. I can confidently say now that I don’t think the breakup was a mistake, not only because of the doors that opened afterwards, but the journey I went on made me a better, stronger person.
A few amazing things happen when you allow yourself to feel pain. I’m not a masochist but denying yourself of an emotional journey that your body really craves, even if it is painful, can be stifling and unhealthy. So next time you’re hurtin,’ go ahead and feel hurt. You’ll discover some pretty spectacular stuff.
First, you’ll rediscover your friends and why you love them so. I was not the most enjoyable person to be around after this particular breakup. And who is? You want to cry and dwell on things and talk about only that person. But your true friends will stay with you because they love you, and they’ll want to help get you back to your usual self. Just like you would be there for them, they’ll show up for you.
Times of heartache are also great opportunities to channel your feels into something constructive. I write some of my best poetry when I’m sad. Maybe the pain you’re feeling will fuel a 5k run, or help you compose a song, or compel you to volunteer at the ASPCA. A case of the sads can inspire great things.
Last, you’ll be reminded that we are all just human beings. It’s so easy to demonize the person who’s causing your pain. I remember complaining to my roommate about how frustrating it was since I was hurting so much and my ex was doing just fine after the breakup. She quickly corrected me, saying, “You don’t know that he’s fine.”
My ex was also going through an equally tough time and experiencing a lot of hurt, too. It was a breakup, and whether you’re the breaker-upper or the breaker-uppee, it’s painful. We’re people. We were dealing with our emotions in our own ways and trying to figure out how to navigate our lives without the other. Allow the other person the space for you both to do that and it will eventually get better.